How to write a meaningful eulogy

Ultimately, a eulogy is the best way for you to tell someone you love them for the very last time.

Your words will offer comfort and inspiration to all the people who have gathered together at the funeral in order to honour the person who has died. 

How to write an effective eulogy

OPENING

1. Acknowledge those gathered
2. Identify the core identity and legacy of the person
3. Explain your connection to them

MIDDLE

4. Describe the facts of the life they lived
5. Detail memories, examples and stories about the kind of person they were.

ENDING

6. Offer your final words of comfort to the mourners.
7. Offer what your final words to the deceased person might be.

Explore this eulogy structure in more detail

OPENING

Let us imagine we are a grandchild chosen to deliver a eulogy to their grandmother who was the mother of two children and five grandchildren. She was a nurse and was very involved in the community of the village in which she lived.

Start by acknowledging all the people who have gathered together. Especially mention the elders of the community and the closest family members first.

“Good morning, we acknowledge the presence of Father Emmanuel Bengani; esteemed village elder Mzamo Khumalo; local councillor Ronald Naidoo; hospital superintendent Dr Liezel Pienaar; the family of Lunga Mthembu and his wife Sarah, and Musa Mthembu and his wife, Zodwa – as well as all other family, colleagues and friends gathered here today.

Name the deceased person. Give a brief overall statement of who they were; what their most important roles were and what their best qualities were. End by saying for what they will most be remembered.

We are here to celebrate the life and love of Namisa Grace Mthembu. She was our loving mother, wife and grandmother, a caring nurse, a committed community member and a loyal friend. She who will always be remembered for her warmth and the wisdom she shared with all around her.

Identify and explain your own connection to the deceased now. Describe not just what your relationship to them was, but also explain what that relationship means to you.

Namisa was just ‘Gogo M’ to me, a source of unconditional love. I was the first-born grandson and as such, I soon learnt that she had very high expectations of me in carrying on the family name into the next generations. She was very strict but underneath that also very soft.

I still remember the time when… 

MIDDLE

In the body of the eulogy you will know want to give a lot of specific information, examples and memories about all the achievements and experiences that made up the full and rich life of the one that you loved.

Remember that for most of the people gathered at the funeral – it is likely that they will have only known certain parts of the deceased person’s life. Here is a time for them to hear about the full picture of who this person really was.

Here are some ideas of things to talk about:

The life they lived

You firstly want to build up a portrait of what life this person lived. Remind those gathered about the journey of this beloved person’s life.

Give details about:

• What family did they came from
• Where they grew up and went to school
• Any academic, sporting or cultural awards
• Any professional qualifications and work experience they had
• Marriage and children
• Any travelling or moves they made around the country or world
• Descriptions of hobbies and interests as well as any  religious and community involvement

Who they were

In addition, you want to bring to life their personality and what it really meant to know – and to love them:

Give details about:

• Memories and stories from others about wonderful, funny, inspiring, moving moments with this
• Specific words or mottos or pieces of advice that they always used to say
• If they were religious, was there a prayer or piece of religious verse that they especially loved?
• Any special objects in the family that are connected to them
• To prepare for your eulogy, ask people from different parts of the deceased’s life to describe stand
• Describe both the problems and challenges they faced as well as the fulfilment and achievements
• Describe both the big moments in their life but also the small details of their everyday existence. 

For example: Everyone who knew Gogo M knows that she always had to have tea at exactly the same time. It did not matter if she was in Sebokeng or Siberia. And heaven help anyone who by accident used the mug, you know the one, with the pink flowers and teddy bear, that was for her alone. Gogo M was also the brand ambassador for Joko tea. She would drink nothing else. Do you remember the time Checkers had a 50 percent off special? She brought 40 boxes of the tea and it took two years to drink her way through that bargain.

But we also know Gogo M had a very hard life. When her husband Harold tragically passed away only four years after they got married, Gogo M, at the tender age of 24, realised that not only would she have to bring up her two boys, then aged three and one by herself, she also decided she wanted to give them the best life possible – and so decided to go to night school; not only to finish her matric – but later to go on to training as a professional nurse.

ENDING

Return to your first overall comments about the person. Comfort the audience, by reminding them about how you are here not just to acknowledge your shared loss, but also to remember just how much you have all gained from the deceased person’s life.

End by describing how if you could say one more thing to the deceased person, what this would be.

So Gogo M, let me say my last words to you: Thank You. Thank you for teaching me what it really means to be part of a family, and to be part of a community. You worked very hard. Now it is your time to rest. May you find refuge in the Kingdom of the Lord and may the clouds of heaven pour down with Joko tea.

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Remember, Legal&Tax is your trusted companion throughout the journey of life. Our Funeral Plan is designed to help make this difficult time of loss just a little more manageable. Contact us to get expert advice and assistance when it comes to planning for the future.

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