Positivity in Real Terms: Embracing Balance and Authenticity

Growth despite inflated optimism.

We all know the cost of negativity, but have we considered the consequences of pursuing positivity at any price?

Have you ever felt sad or angry and then someone chirps at you to “Cheer up!” or “Calm down!” without a moment’s consideration? If that made you feel frustrated, invalidated, or guilty for how you feel, then you have just experienced what is called Toxic Positivity.

Of course, not all positivity is toxic, just like not all burgers are cheeseburgers. The toxic variety is a phenomenon where genuine emotions are dismissed or invalidated, can be just as detrimental as the reverse. Finding a healthy balance is key to maintaining our mental and physical well-being.

It is crucial to acknowledge that our emotions serve a purpose. Each feeling contributes to our survival and overall wellbeing. Some people may unknowingly disregard the impact of their behaviour on others, while others struggle with handling negative emotions and attempt to suppress them. Humans are complex.

It is natural to avoid negative emotions due to their unpleasantness. However, there are instances where negative reactions are entirely justified, and it is essential to address them for our own sake. Merely hiding them with forced smiles and cheerful voices does not solve the underlying issues.

The challenge lies in recognising these emotions. There are times when managing our emotions becomes necessary. Perhaps expressing them in certain situations would worsen the outcome, or maybe we lack the energy to confront the aftermath. In such cases, it is important to acknowledge our feelings and take time to step back. Importantly, this does not mean ignoring the situation entirely.

Instead, it is crucial to examine our emotions and understand their impact. Though it may seem difficult, practice enables us to navigate our feelings without succumbing to them. Furthermore, this process teaches us an invaluable lesson:

Differentiating between our responsibility to manage our emotions and responsibility to manage behaviour.

This brings us to the "Toxic" aspect of positivity. Something is described as toxic when it damages the health of those exposed to it. Toxic Positivity doesn't only harm the person practicing it; it affects the people around them as well. For instance, if you prioritise positivity and expect others to do the same, without considering why they might not share the same positive mindset, it becomes toxic. It dismisses their valid reasons for positivity is more important than any one of loads of things could be making them feel feeling down or unhappy. At its worst, it can contribute to emotional manipulation or gaslighting.

The key point to remember is We do not have the right to dictate how others should feel. We can request modifications in their behaviour, but we can only control our own thoughts and actions. Even if someone's mood, attitude, or behaviour affects our positive vibe, there are ways to address the situation without making the individual feel worse.

1. Engage with them: Ask how they're doing and determine if there's a specific cause for their emotional state.
2. Listen: If they choose to talk, be there to lend an ear. If they prefer not to share, respect their decision and move on.
3. Consider your own discomfort: Explore why others feeling down bothers you. Is it genuine concern for they’re or a personal worry about your own positive mindset? Does it highlight unresolved issues you might be avoiding?

Suppressing emotions can have far-reaching consequences for both individuals and society. When we deny or avoid unpleasant emotions, we inadvertently magnify them. Avoidance reinforces the notion that these emotions are unnecessary, and as a result, they grow larger and more significant. However, this approach is unsustainable since humans are biologically incapable of programming themselves to feel only happiness.

By avoiding difficult emotions, we also miss out on valuable information. For instance, fear signals a need for heightened awareness in a particular situation. Emotions themselves provide insights, offering a snapshot of our experiences. While they don't dictate precise actions or reactions, neglecting negative feelings can make us seem unapproachable and less relatable. Others may perceive us as problem-free, hindering genuine connections.

Real positivity lies in embracing all emotions, including grief, anger, and even depression. We understand that these feelings are part of life—they come, they hurt, and they pass. We need not hide from them or run away. Negative emotions, too, serve a purpose. Striving for balance amidst these emotions should always be our primary objective.

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It can be hard to begin sometimes, so it is important to check in with a professional. If you feel like you might need a helping hand to find your balance again, reach out today.

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