Giving up the Ghost of Grief

The loss of a parent is a deeply sad time. Our parents are the ones who gave us life, support and unconditional love and we have had a deep bond from birth into adulthood.

There is no doubt our lives change after this loss and it can take time, being kind to yourself and also sometimes outside support to be able to cope.

Here are some of the ways in which you might find your feelings and sense of identity shifting as you experience the trauma of a parent’s death.

Five changes after losing a parent:

You feel alone

You have never known life without your parents, so suddenly your sense of who you are, your place in this world and the direction of your life can feel unstable.

Everything feels like a struggle

Your mood is likely to be low and as such tasks that might once have felt normal and easy, can feel difficult and you might feel overwhelmed.

Science has shown that your brain changes during the trauma, affecting sleep and eating habits, for example. In more severe cases, grief can bring on physical illnesses.

If you are experiencing physical problems, then you need to go to a doctor.

If your emotions begin to feel so difficult that you cannot cope, then you might be suffering from a depression and need outside help. Contacting Legal&Tax’s Trauma Assist can be a first step towards getting this assistance.

You are really missing your parent

Your thoughts are likely to keep returning to memories of your parents as your mind tries to deal with the grief. You might feel a lot of emotional pain, especially at the physical sense of their absence, such as not seeing them sitting in their usual chair or hearing their voice.

You might begin to think over your life with them, the good and bad times. You might feel ready to forgive them for actions or choices about which you once had anger or sadness. You might now feel you have new understanding about what their lives were really like.

You feel closer to the people that are left behind

The loss of a parent also forces you to begin to think about your relationships with other people. You might feel new appreciation for special connections you have or you might feel a need to heal relationships that have been broken.

You feel jealous of people who still have their parents

You might find it hard when you see families that still have parents at their head and get irritated by those who fight with parents over silly things. Remember each person has their own challenges in life and each relationship is complicated. Focus on getting closure over yours.

Five suggestions to soothe your soul

Write a goodbye letter to your parent

Express your feelings on paper. Especially if your parents had a sudden or traumatic death, this can be a way in which you are able to process the shock of their sudden passing. 

Reach out to people that care and count

You can’t get through this alone. Keep open communication with your other family members. It can be confusing and difficult for them as well to see you go through such difficulty and maybe act in ways that are different to.

Honour their legacy

Remember, even if your parents are gone, your relationship does not end. Their legacy and influence will carry you and the generations to come.

Try and keep to a routine in your daily life

Work or volunteering at this time can be a safe place, where everything happens according to clockwork. This can help calm your inner anxiety.

When you feel that you cannot cope with the emotional side of the loss, try and rather get through the practical administration. You will need to deal with all sorts of legal paperwork when dealing with their estate.  

Make their funeral a fitting farewell

When it comes to funeral planning, make sure you add in personal touches to the ceremony that will help you feel a connection and a sense of a fitting farewell.

This could be displaying photographs at the venue, playing music that they liked or other culturally or religiously correct gestures.

Remember Legal&Tax is here for your family

While nothing can take away grief and loss, Legal&Tax’s Funeral Plan can make the practicalities of preparing for the inevitability of death a little more manageable.

You are able to add your parents and parents in-law to your funeral cover for a small additional monthly amount, as long as they are under the age of 74.  

With Legal&Tax you’re not alone

Contact Legal&Tax today. We are your companion through matters of life and the difficulties of death. We will help you plan for peace of mind.

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